Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
