How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
