chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
How naked do you want me to be?
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