it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I am midnight drunk by noon
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i out mim tonsoeep
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
