Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
