Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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