May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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