omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
