So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
