This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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