He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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