I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Randomize
