plz talk dirty to me
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
