You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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