i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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