I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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