You smell like stripper and shame
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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