What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
