i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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