Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
