dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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