if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize