Too much gin, very little bucket
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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