Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
