Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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