If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
