I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
