My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
