oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Sober January is a disaster.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
