party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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