Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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