Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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