that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
