Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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