I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
should my penis look like a turkey
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
