After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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