maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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