The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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