Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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