He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
