I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
