when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
