We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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