I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
