Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
