Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
