someone owes me an orgasm
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
