Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
