i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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