So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
