Your face is a jimmy john
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
COCAINE IS GR8
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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