True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
