We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
