He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
