can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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