So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
