you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize