I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
