The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
id be glad to
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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