exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Someone signed my nipple.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
