when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
