When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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