I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
