so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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