I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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