Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
