i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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