well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
