farters have to be the big spoon...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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