6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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