If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
